The Leadership Load No One Talks About – And How to Carry It with Strength

We often hear that resilience is about bouncing back. But the reality for many women in leadership is more complex. The load is heavier and more layered as we continue to navigate outdated and gendered leadership archetypes that quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) persist. This can lead to second-guessing, skepticism, and the pressure to always be composed. We navigate workplaces that overlook our experience, scrutinize our tone, or reward us for resilience only when it looks effortless.

This struggle isn't new. But just as we begin to make progress, old expectations creep back in—wrapped in new language but rooted in the same outdated norms. Instead of evolving, the standard for how women should lead sometimes seems to be slipping backward, adding weight to a leadership load no one is really talking about.

For us, resilience isn't about bouncing. It is about rooting—staying anchored in who we are while carrying a load few people ever see. It is about staying connected to who you are even when the world around you feels shaky. It is about finding your center, again and again, and choosing to lead from it even in the midst of uncertainty, fear, or change. That is what it means to carry it with strength.

And maybe most importantly? It is about how we model that choice.

Let’s Be Honest: Resilience Isn't Always Graceful

Some days, resilience looks like taking a deep breath in your car before walking into a meeting. Other days, it is choosing not to answer that email right away so you can respond, not react. Sometimes, it’s crying in the bathroom, pulling yourself together, and walking back out with a clear mind and a composed face. I’ve had to do that more than once, and I know I'm not the only one. If you've done it too, you know the drill—checking the mirror for red eyes, fixing smudged makeup, doing everything you can to erase the evidence. Because showing that kind of emotion? Still too often seen as weakness. But I digress.

Resilience is not about being polished. It is about being present.

But many of us were taught to lead by hiding our struggles, smiling through exhaustion, and showing up as the strong one—even when we were breaking inside. We erase the evidence.

That is not resilience. That is performance.

What It Looks Like to Model Resilience

When women model real resilience, we offer others something rare: permission. Permission to pause. Permission to feel. Permission to show up imperfectly but powerfully.

Here is what that looks like in action:

🫠 Staying Present Even When It Is Uncomfortable

You do not have to have all the answers. Just being fully present without panic or performance is a grounding act of leadership.

🗣️ Naming What You Feel Without Needing to Fix It All

Saying “This is hard, and I am figuring it out” creates space for others to acknowledge their own struggles. That is psychological safety in action.

🔋 Being Intentional With Energy, Not Just Time

Resilience is not about doing more. It is about protecting your energy, setting boundaries, and knowing when to step back.

💗 Leading With Self-Compassion First

We cannot lead others with empathy if we treat ourselves with judgment. Showing yourself compassion models it for your team, your colleagues, and your community.

🛣️ Letting People See You Navigate, Not Just Arrive

You do not have to have the polished story. You just need to bring people along for the real journey, not just the highlight reel.

Women are often expected to be emotionally available but never "emotional"or visibly overwhelmed. Strong but never "bossy" or intimidating. Soft but never "weak" or uncertain.

And yet, leadership is uncertainty. Sometimes, it's making decisions with limited or imperfect information. It is showing up for others while also tending to yourself. It is staying grounded when you want to crumble. Its pushing through even when just need a moment.

When we model resilience, we break those false expectations and show a new, more honest way forward. A way rooted in clarity, self-leadership, and courage.

So, next time things feel heavy, remember

You do not have to be unshakeable to be resilient. You just have to keep returning to yourself and leading from there.

And when you do, you give others something powerful: not just leadership, but a path to wholeness.